Friday, April 9, 2010


Dear baby (on what is supposed to be your birthday),

So here we sit, waiting to see if you decide to be timely.  I don't blame you, from what I hear it's a rather cozy scenario in there, and what do we have out here for you?  Well... we'll start with your immediate environs.  We live in Michigan.  Is that surprising?  It won't be to you.  It will be where you were born!  it's part of your history and ours now.

Your father was born in Texas, and that's where your grandparents live (we're still all figuring out what you'll call them, maybe you'll get to decide that too.  You have many decisions to make!) You have lots of family in Texas, and it's a pretty cool place, I must say.  I received my honorary citizenship there not long ago, and Grandma and Grandpa said that was "the best move Governor Rick Perry has made so far."  I did this in case Chuck Norris ever becomes Governor and decides to secede from the Union.  This way I won't need to apply for dual citizenship.  Don't worry we'll get you one too.

Your grandmother knows just about everyone in town because a lot of people grew up with her as their Principal.  She's kind of famous there, and I bet you will be too.  Your grandfather builds cranes and monorails-- isn't that the coolest?  He also loves music, and has a pretty amazing record collection.  He knows the names of most band members from all of the coolest bands of all time.  You should be on his team in Trivial Pursuit.  You're going to love to visit them and their dogs...  Don't be offended if Blair is a little stand-offish.  She's used to being the baby.  We're going to visit Texas just as soon as we possibly can, because there are a lot of people there who want to meet you!

I was born in Massachusetts.  The French call it "Mange ta chausettes" which means "eat your socks."  You also have a lot of family out there!  I bet you'll call your grandparents "Memere" and "Pepere", but we'll see what you come up with.   Memere is lots of fun, and she sings funny songs all the time.  She's the one who told me whenever I complained about being bored that "only boring people get bored."  And in effect, that's why I'm writing right now!  I have nothing to do but sit around and wait for you to come out, so thought I'd make the most of it.  Pepere will take you out to work in the garden and talk to you about a lot of things that you might not understand.  Don't worry, he'll still be there to talk with you about them when you're in college.

You also have  three uncles who you will LOVE.  I bet you will have a ton of fun with them.  They do things like make funny videos, start bands, record songs, act in plays and musicals, and one of them even counsels troubled teens.  In fact, I've heard that Ben can actually hypnotize people, but Memere made him promise to stop when she found out he hypnotized Joey so that he could have longer turns at video games.  You'll hear lots of funny stories about your uncles.  But not for a while.  I don't want to put any ideas in your head.

Your dad and I are both singers, but you probably already know this, since you hear us all the time.  Memere was concerned that you would be deaf because sometimes I sing very loudly, but don't worry, we will never sing right into your tiny ears.  Is that why you don't want to come out?  We did take you to a rather loud concert a couple weeks ago-- the Boito Mephistofoles, and a bunch of our friends were singing and playing SUPER LOUD!  I covered my belly, but it probably didn't help.  Sorry.  But I'm afraid that you're probably in for it for life in the loud concert area... Your dad and I both toured a bunch of schools and sang opera for kids, and a lot of kids block their ears and make funny faces when they hear opera for the first time, but I bet you won't!   You'll raise your little hand and say "Very well done, but I would've liked to have heard a little mezza di voce on that one high note, it's not all 'Park and Bark' you know.  A little refinement goes a long way."  (Don't really say this out loud.  Even if you're thinking it.)

It's funny to think that everything that your dad and I have done in our lives so far, and everywhere we've lived is a total mystery to you.  You'll probably hear stories about us and think, "What?  my mom jumped out of plane?  no way.  she doesn't let me do ANYTHING."  or "*My* dad was in SHOWCHOIR?  absolutely not."  But he was.  There's video evidence.

So come on out, OK?  we can't wait to meet you, and there's a LOT of stuff we have to show you, and I bet there's a lot of stuff that you'll show us too!  Maybe you'll be a snowboarder, or a physicist, or one of those crazy fisherman on "Deadliest Catch" or even.... a countertenor.  Your dad says that's the one thing that you can't be.  But, he's really a softy. I bet if you become a countertenor, he'll learn to love them the best.


  1. Dear Baby,

    Don't worry. Be happy. Now be born soon ok! We all want to meet you and hear your perfect pitch. I'm sure you will have no trouble with it.

    I kinda like the thought of you on Deadliest Catch, but maybe AX MEN will be your lot. I can see you as a logger in this family of musical talent!

    Auntie Kate

    You don't have to be a logger, but if you want to, you should wear a mouth guard and a hard hat!

  2. To my dear nephew,
    I've been too invested in your well being just to have you up and give me a scare like you won't even show up on game day. Don't force me to be your weird uncle that you're kind of scared of. Because I have no problem with that.
    Anyway, I wish you the best on your journey into the real world, I know mine has been an adventure. Also, if my sister (your mom) decides to circumsize you, I wish you best of luck with that, you will probably go into shock and bleed for weeks! I have a feeling that you will grow up to be a safari man. Please don't ask me why, I just do. Have fun in Michigan trying to find something to do. I mean, there's Detroit and not much else. Please do not become a Tigers fan. Or a Rangers fan. We'll get ya some nice Red Sox gear, and if Drake has a problem then I will arm wrestle him for it, and even if I lose it will have been worth it for my home team, and you'll see what a great team they are just out of my dedication.
    Love you, little guy.
    Uncle Greg.... See More
    P.S. If....and only if...I am chosen to be your godfather, I will shower you with random 10$ bills while you are young and it still seems like a lot of money. And I will get you candy and savings bonds so that you will one day go to a safari university somewhere.

  3. What a beautiful letter Alta!! Something he can keep forever. I can't wait to meet him and cuddle him and spoil him. He is going to be adored by all I am sure.